Aura
“What happened here?” she pointed to the defined line break between yellow and dark green colors shaped above my shoulder in the “picture” the metal machine had printed of my “aura”. Nobuko’s porcelain colored face kept the ends of her smile pointed up into round kind cheeks and those squinty happy eyes that notifies your soul that it’s a safe, nurturing women with softness who doesn’t know the demons you dream of in the night.
“You had an isolation, a shift, a death of who you were and you had to change completely a few years ago,” her accent gentle in the accurate analysis of my life. “And you are not healed yet – this is why you are here. You will go through many transformations until you become who you are destined to be.”
Destined?
It was my cousin who had invited me to the third story of the seemingly vacant building of old Kakaako – pre-renovation, back when all those short story buildings were graffitied, attracted homeless, no-liquor license open ended all-goes-till 4am strip of that inbetween of business district Bishop/Alakea bossville and Alamoana rich-man marker real estate. However, the third floor of this building was clean, white walls, airy, peaceful and had only businesses of healing nature on it; like this one disguised as “yoga” yet really a filter of deeper spiritual work. I ironically already had a booking scheduled with the business next door – the crown worker, a hypnotist from Sweden, who would open me to “memories” of lives hundreds of years before that would slowly allow me a way to view and access my true feelings of stress, fears and passions - eventually releasing me from the patterns of habit passed on from the generations before me. Another story…
“You will be a truth teller – a spiritual guide – like the old ways but with …” she closed her eyes in the download of my betrothed purpose, “dreams.”
Pause. Squeezes my left hand. Deep breath.
“You see things in your dreams. You know the truth.”
Damn. How did she know?
I rarely told anyone about my dreams. Mostly cause I didn’t believe them myself and if I told anyone, I sounded psycho, or they’d think I for sure used mushrooms or weed or something. But I never really liked weed – never touched mushrooms even now to this day – probably because I was always living in the high realm anyways, didn’t need it. In fact, Wine is one of the only things that helps shut it off for a while...Does she know I dreamt of her too? Do I leave now? Fuck what now? … her softness, but bold - just like the dream… Stay. It’s ok.
Squeeze her hand back.
“It’s scary for you,” her slanted eyes still closed, posture tall, crossed legged, holding my hands.
No shit, it’s scary. I see them days, weeks, months before they come – naked, ugly, temptingly gorgeous, vulnerable, broken, painted and then… there is no conclusion – I don’t see the end, only the connection. Why?
“You feel everything. It is a lot for you. You have been alone. You will be alone in this journey a long time. Lovers do not understand you. Parents did not understand you. You are bored with your age group. Because you are ages old inside. But this is why you will truly live. You will know pain of the heart so you can truly feel goodness and real joy.”
Splatters on the bamboo floor. Blurry.
She touched her fingers to below my left collar bone. And then my forehead. “For your colors end in purple and then bright silver white in the chest and that means fulfillment in love and the spiritual realm.”
That tremble. Silent. Wet cheeks. Like an embedded splinter deep in the flesh being pulled out.
“You were very athletic before but have hard time running lately - your chest?” she asked. “The tightness in your chest?”
I nodded.
“You are heartbroken, my child.” Forehead to mine. “We can release that. It will take time and work and you may feel sick when the toxins of soul sadness come out but then you will be free of this pain. You will be able to survive heartache with the right tools – we can teach you the tools.”
I wish I had those pictures. But its somewhere between the indeed many loves, many homes and moves since then….
When I had dreamt of her six months before I met her that Saturday, I had been floating in a misty cloud over a mountain somewhere high beyond civilization in a cold winter night dream in college. I could not see her sex – the white martial arts style robe pulled across the chest and tucking any curve hid it and the long hair pulled into a ponytail at the neck was custom to both sexes that I did not know if I was being summoned by a male or female entity (which yes, usually does matter in my very elusive premonitions as it shows the energy of the situation to come). She had a paint brush in hand and two jars of paint in the other. The strokes of calligraphic symbols on my forehead, cheeks, chest, stomach, low belly (gut area), thighs, tops of feet, tops of hands, and back kidney area had a sting in absorption like a piercing with ink. I did not understand the black and red markings at the time. My nakedness was non-conclusive to anything sexual nor innocent – it seems a ritual needed, not one I could deny. And then the piercing, the wincing, the holding breath in that sting finally subsided like a pepper tang to sake in the late evening… Months later my cousin ran into me on Front Street inbetween my business classes where I’d join the boys at the bars between Hotel, Merchant and Bethel – she invited me to get a reading, a healing, a yoga session with a new kind of teaching without any knowledge that my meeting with Nobuko was already in the stars.
“And then, after I learn these tools, Master Nobuku,” I stared into the paper holding my aura fate of a green color wave representing healing that lead to blue wave representing understandings that lightened into a lighter blue and indigo as it round my other shoulder in the photo and the colors blended into a bright royal purple and metallic shimmer of that silver/shiny white… “will the heartache stop?”
Her eyes opened. Dark sky pupils straight into my own molasses brown ones.
“You will be protected, Naomi san. You may say God, we say Great Mama – will protect you. You are a kind person but no, the heart pain is not done. For you will have many loves and much heart break still yet to come but you are to be blessed from this if you stay sincere and bless others in your strength and knowledge and you will bring hope to many from your truths, dear indigo child.”
There was no one else in the room with us. Yet the body-warmth suddenly heavy and the backdrop of the Lake in Northern Asia that this strange yet familiar teaching came from, beamed brilliantly from behind Nobuko’s still-seated stance.
“It is written in your soul body. Do not hide these lessons from the world. I know you are sad now, but you are a good person. You make decisions based on experience and morale.” She knew that despite what the outside might see, I was not what the photos would say… “ You will help many to FEEL again - truth and love together. Do not run from this. It is your purpose.”
1am. That’s the time I called the landline to leave a message for her – the last time we meet, age 23, winter, Vodka deep in the fear of the passion I saw invoked in another for me, asking for a session in the morning – her time was 5am for privates and I knew that meant I’d stay up the night to see her. I did. I had to. I had just had the dreams that would hold me – still till now – and had to ask her what to do… even then I already knew deep inside it was showing me to stay strong and fulfill it. She didn’t judge my desperate breath – instead said “You are on the path you are meant to be. Yours is not easy, it was never going to be. But you can steer this. Trust within. You know inside. You will be blessed for your love, Naomi san.“
That was the last time she’d hold her hand over my chest while I laid on the bamboo floor of the building that no longer stands as it did. She told me I was free. This was the beginning of finding myself and that I would not be coming back. Indeed, I never did go back because the thirst to find my own peace in life was no longer stuck in a child’s body as I had arrived. My soul body had been awakened in those quiet 5am mornings over intermittent four years of stretching and meditation through crystal bowls, flutes, ceramic drums, talking through visions, tai chi type movements and om. Those chest pains left. I dropped ten pounds. The dreams of future became more clear and the dreams of demons… less scary.
*Please note that this read is meant to be entertaining and not necessarily factual