Silence. It’s been awhile, I know.

Heat, Swelling, Blurry Vision, Headaches, Dry Throat, Hunger, Crushed Breathing, Constipation, Tears - at all things from Adele’s heart-aching lyrics to having no energy left to again wash all the pee-soaked sheets, blankets and pillows of my children’s double bed… That’s been the uphill battle until about a month ago. I finally could brush my teeth in the morning without throwing up once I hit 6 months pregnant.

Groin pains - most women don’t talk bout it but let’s be honest, it happens in many pregnancies and it is sore. Doc says most women have more and more pains in legs, hips, back, and groin in their 2nd, 3rd, 4th pregnancy even if they had smooth sailing pregnancies previously. Your body gets worn in. Baby making is rough. Your joints need 18months to 3 years to heal and I never had that time to recover... my veins are swollen and you can feel this pressure like they are going to burst. Advice is to rest and lay with hips up - which is impossible if you have diapered toddlers to run after. And you can’t take much for it - Tylenol can only do so much (and you can't take anything stronger as it damages the baby development). So its been Lavender. Straight lavender oil is what I started rubbing around my legs and belly and crouch because nothing else relieved that deeply-bruised feeling of that extra 22 pounds dropping into your groin all day…

22 pounds is what some women gain in the entire pregnancy but for me - at 22 pounds over my pre-pregnant weight, I was being told that the baby and placenta wasn’t quite reaching its growth mark for the 5 month “healthy fetus”…

In addition, I’ve been stressed about my kids teeth which, due to genetics of having deep grooves, are more prone to decay than the other kind of teeth apparently - and surprise, sugars are not the only cause of cavities but the amount of times a day food causes acids to sit in the mouth! The reality that my brushing and flossing and choice of “healthy” foods wasn’t enough to be decay free was such a huge blow to my already-depleted emotional strength. Searching for the right combination of diet became an obsession (turns out breads and pastas are a huge decay factor and calcium without enough magnesium and vitamin d combined, can make the absorption of calcium inefficient! Meats provide some of the best bone strength). Talk about going insane with research! I couldn’t sleep - I was up reading everything from scientific studies to mama blogs to ancient wives’ tales…

Recipe for "green cupcakes" without sugarcane coming soon...

As if that’s not enough, I have been on the hunt for the right kind of preschool for my kids as this new baby will add a whole new dynamic to the part-time daycare/preschool life we have had. I had dropped down from working full time, to part time since my oldest was born, and was lucky to have minimized those hours to even less once my second was born (as I had two babies before my oldest was two year old). While part-time daycare worked fine until now - any mom who has had multiple kids knows that to have three kids under 5 years old is extremely difficult to balance without family help or a nanny and the stress of attending to so many needs of different children leave your own mom-body depleted of nutrients and rest needed to recover physically, emotionally and mentally… so, I had to make that decision of how do we do this? Full-time preschool sounded correct, yes - but then you have to think about the needs of each child and how they respond to that school and environment. Of course, my first concern is making sure they are not neglected or mishandled (especially when a child can’t fully talk yet, you are so nervous that they are being mistreated), but there are other important factors that come up as your child gets older. When a child is bored, they act up or become more dramatic in emotions, so being sure that they are stimulated enough or in the way that keeps them wanting to go the that school is important. When a child is around other kids, they pick up their talks, habits, and attitudes which can greatly jeopardize your teachings or your own parental values that you work so hard to enforce, so being in a setting that enrolls similar type of families is something that does matter. The cost of a school of course matters as well - especially if you are putting two or more children in preschool at the same time (as we are) … many people do not realize there are no public preschools - and a legal, accredited preschool costs anywhere from a few hundred a month for part-time (like 2-4 hours a few days a week) to almost a couple thousand a month for a standard 6-8 hour day five days a week. Then of course, there is the location of the school in relevance to you, your job, your commute route, or perhaps the quality of the neighborhood it is in (some schools have the problem of reckless homelessness around).

Trying to continue with swelling pains and the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy (it increases each pregnancy doc says), the demands of the other two toddlers, the housework, all the doctor appointments (1-3 times a month for pregnancy), a change in diet, obsessive teeth brushing (like I carried around a toothbrush for every after-snack cleaning with the kids ), the school appointments, while in holiday traffic and holiday lines with kids in tow and swallowing that fact that maybe something could go wrong with this baby (that's the worst feeling - you keep wondering if you could have done something different, if it's maybe your fault), had me dreaming nightmares for a few weeks.

Things finally started looking up these last couple weeks. Another ultrasound confirmed that the baby’s growth increased to meet par, I doubled my weight gain in one month ( I was tripping and banging my hips on everything for 3/4 weeks of intensive growth)… I found a dentist with a more holistic approach to dentistry which is almost nonexistent in Hawaii (I found out the hard way) and was able to get confirmation on my new-found research of diet, timing, habits, and genetics effect on teeth health and save my kids teeth from undergoing more intensive procedures recommended by other dentists! whew! It’s still a process, we still have decay to fix and stop from proceeding but it is much less invasive and horrifying than it could have been … And we found a school that offers the kind of pre-k program to keep my inquisitive daughter entertained and interested and my son guided into the “big boy” independence he so proudly displays. Now, it's onto finishing up the required vaccinations for entry and potty-training of my 2 year old (which, we need to do before baby comes in 9 weeks - as experienced moms know that will be hell if we wait till after new baby comes)…

So, I can breathe again.

For now.

A lot of people forget the chaos of childbearing once their kids are in elementary but for those of you still in it - Our lives are intense. I have to say you are not nearly as stressed about a 3rd baby coming - mentally, because you have already had two experiences to give you a very good reality of what is coming (unlike the naive 1st time mom). You also dread the third child because you have a clear reality of how stressful it is to have a new baby. And your body is definitely taking the hit 3rd time around, unfortunately. I heard that from a few moms of 3/4 children - but you really don’t know how much so, till it happens. So hence, I’m telling it all - because I wish people were more honest about motherhood instead of letting movies and Instagram keep it secret. We moms need each other to say that it’s not perfect. It’s beautiful, yes, but its crazy and draining too. You are not alone - I also feel stuck, tired, or unattractive some days … but most importantly - You will survive because I did! You will feel amazing again one day, because I was in your shoes, and I did! Thank you to all you mom-of-3-plus-children who told me the truth and kept me going…

On the positive, I got see my baby's face recently - I haven't ever seen my growing baby so far along in a pregnancy before because, if under 35 and a normal pregnancy, insurance doesn't cover ultrasounds (as you don't need them) after the initial 4 month anatomy scan. So, seeing a face so fully formed and a body so plump (as opposed to at 4months when a fetus looks scrawny) brightened up this trimester. She's a pretty one and very active I've been told...

All I can draw of the dreams I've seen of her

No full name yet, waiting for this one to tell me more about her as the other two did (See the other posts in this section). Now that the stressful climax is over, I feel more ready to hear her story. So far, I saw dreams of a mountain area, somewhere in colder air, and clean without urban dwellings near. I saw darker, straight hair and a more earthy girl (than the more princess type of person with wavy hair that I saw in dreams of my oldest) with a simple jeans and a t-shirt on. "Ea" I heard. Which can mean a few things along the lines of (wehewehe.org):

1. n. Sovereignty, rule, independence. Lā Hoʻihoʻi Ea, Restoration Day. Hoʻihoʻi i ke ea o Hawaiʻi, restore the sovereignty of Hawaiʻi.

2. n. Life, air, breath, respiration, vapor, gas; fumes, as of tobacco; breeze, spirit (Isa. 42.5). This ea, as well as ea 1, 3, 4, is sometimes pronounced or sung ʻea. Cf. eamāmā, eaolamāmā. Kaha ea, to deprive of rights of livelihood. Wai ea, aerated waters. Hoʻopuka ea, exhaust fumes. Ua mau ke ea o ka ʻāina i ka pono (motto of Hawaiʻi), the life of the land is preserved in righteousness. He palupalu lākou, he ea hele wale aku (Hal. 78.39), they were flesh, a wind that passes away. Kāʻili ʻia aku ke ea o ʻAberahama (Kin. 25.8), Abraham gave up the ghost; lit., the breath of life was snatched away.

3. vi. To rise, go up, raise, become erect. Cf. aea, eʻea, hōʻea. Kai ea (Kep. 183), rising sea. Ua ea kona poʻo, his head was raised. Ke ea ʻana o ka ʻai, ka iʻa (Kep. 97), the obtaining of poi, fish.. ʻAʻole hoʻi au e ea maluna o koʻu wahi moe (Hal. 132.3), I will not go up into my bed. (PPN eʻa.)

But there is so much more left to come I'm sure...

Secret Stress of the 3rd Pregnancy

Mahalo